We shared Alina’s (36) dilemma on Facebook. The dilemma was: “Shall I give our child my last name, a double or my friend’s?” Two hundred Famme readers had an opinion on this.
And so we share a selection of the reactions.
“From the first day of my pregnancy, my boyfriend assumed that our child would have his last name. I, on the other hand, find it much easier if our baby has my last name. I saw in the news a while back that a double surname is now also possible. I also thought that was a good option, because that way our child would have both of our last names. My friend just disagreed. Shall I listen to myself or choose a double or my friend’s?”
Opinions of Famme readers
Opinions on this subject are divided. Below you can read the opinions of fammereaders about Alina (36)’s dilemma: “Shall I give our child my last name, a double or my friend’s?”
Not traditional at all
Annelieke – “If he is so traditional, he can either marry you, traditionally a child within a marriage gets the name of the father, or leave the situation as it is. Traditionally, children born out of wedlock are given the mother’s surname. Only in the 1980s or 1990s did it change that children born out of wedlock also receive the father’s surname. Very new time and not traditional at all. In any case, as a mother you are the one who decides on the last name. Nothing will happen without your signature. So think about it calmly and follow your gut.”
Only on weekends?
Renee – “If he really wants to go for it, I hope he asks you to marry him soon and that you both move in together. Now what is that nonsense? Just want to be daddy at the weekend?”
Now husband of
Joke – “In the passport of the married woman it says ‘wife of…’ The man has nothing! Fortunately, you can now change this and then the man’s passport will also state that he is the husband of. The result is that you will also carry each other’s surnames. We really liked this, also in the context of equality.”
You are both the parent
Sandy – “I wanted to give our child both of our surnames, but that was not possible yet. Next year I will add my last name. I think it’s a beautiful thing, passing on the name of both parents. After all, you are both the parent.”
Problem in communication
Léon – “’What shall I do?’ And that while you are in a relationship and have to be able to discuss everything. Besides, it is also his child and you will not like it, but he also has a say in this. It seems to me mainly a problem in communication with each other. Instead of ‘I want this’ and ‘I want this’, sit down with each other and explain why you lean towards what you want and vice versa, so that you actually understand each other.”
He has no right
Pascale – “If the child lives with mom and dad only goes there every now and then, he doesn’t even have the right to want the child in his name.”
Give something of yourself
Jamie – “I liked the idea that we could both give something of ourselves. I got to carry and grow the little one and my friend gets to pass on his last name. Fortunately, it is becoming increasingly easier that everyone can do what he or she feels good about!”
Include additional factors
Pandora – “You can include additional factors. Which surname sounds best with the first name you want? Which surname is the rarest? What surname doesn’t have a weird spelling that makes you have to spell it every time?”
Saves a lot of hassle
Leonie – “If you are already in doubt, I would use your own last name and not give it authority either. That saves a lot of hassle. We didn’t know each other very long either, I didn’t think about it at the time. The child just got his last name and authority, our relationship was otherwise fine. After three years we separated and he is a weekend father once every two weeks. If I could have turned it back, I would have. What a hassle.”
Give some respect
San – “By giving your child your friend’s last name, you also give him a bit of respect. A piece of connection with which you say: ‘You are the father’. And when you get married, all three of you will have the same last name.”
This decision is causing discussion among more than a quarter of expectant parents
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