David and his girlfriend Floor had a turbulent relationship for years. One minute things were going well and the next they were arguing every day. David had gotten to the point where he was done with it. He broke up with you. “Not much later my ex told me she was pregnant, but I knew a lot that she was lying about her pregnancy,” he says famme.
Floor and I got to know each other through my neighbor. Floor was one of her best friends. After a few dates I already knew she was the one for me. She was pretty, smart and had a great sense of humor. I found the latter particularly attractive. The first year everything went well and we were very much in love. After that year, Floor started having mood swings more and more and she took that out on me. The result: lots of fights.
Fear of abandonment
She also suffered from separation anxiety. During one of the many quarrels I popped out that we had better break up. This was not life. At the moment she was shocked and wanted to do everything she could to restore our relationship. Then it went well again until she got a crazy mood again.
I started reading more and more about her moods. While searching, I came across a website that listed the symptoms of borderline. From that moment on I was almost certain that Floor had that. I was relieved in a way, because now I understood it more. She was just sick. From that moment on I tried to cope better with her moods.
Lots of quarrels
In the end, I lasted another two years. Every time those fights, mood swings and her fears: I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with you. I deserved better. Floor was devastated and went completely crazy when I packed my bags and left. She begged me to stay with her and even said she would hurt herself if I didn’t stay. Still, I decided to go.
In total, we had no contact for two months. Until Floor sent me a photo of an ultrasound. I was shocked, was she pregnant? Was it mine? I finally got my life back on track. For example, I had found a new apartment in another city and I was busy applying for a new job. I really wasn’t waiting for a child with her. I decided to call her and she told me she was twelve weeks pregnant with our child. I was shocked.
A week after that I drove to her to talk about her pregnancy. I indicated that I wanted to be there for our child, but in a different form. I didn’t want to have a relationship with her anymore. She did not accept that. She wanted us to get back together. The moment she saw that I meant it, she got into the same mood as before. She even got aggressive. I immediately felt sorry for my child in her womb.
In the following weeks it remained remarkably quiet, even though I received an ultrasound twice. Once at about fifteen weeks of pregnancy. She then informed me that we were having a daughter. She knew that my greatest wish was to have a daughter. She also sent me an image of the twenty-week ultrasound. She let us know that our daughter was completely healthy and asked if I could come and talk to her. Three days later I was in the car to meet her. She answered the door in a provocative outfit. I thought it was strange, because I came there to talk about the pregnancy, right?
I asked about her pregnancy and about the ultrasounds. She only sent me one picture at a time, while my sister told me that you got more. She didn’t want to show them, because she had put them away somewhere. When I didn’t see a starting tummy with her, I suddenly got a strange feeling and asked if she was really pregnant. I saw that she was shocked and she got angry. From that moment on it was clear to me. There was no child of mine in her tummy at all. She lied about her pregnancy and this was just an excuse to keep me with her. I left immediately.
No more contact
In the car back home I got a long app with the message that she didn’t want to lose me. She did indeed lie about her pregnancy, but this was my own fault according to her. She hoped that, despite everything, I would still give her a chance. I do not think so. I blocked her and was relieved. Now there was nothing left to keep in touch with her. I could start the rest of my life.”
If only I had never: ‘Leave my ex to look for a man who did want children’
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