Like many ladies with lipedema, I have multiple chronic diagnoses. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all these years of “being sick”, it’s that it’s easier to shrug my shoulders when I’m not feeling well and just keep going. Especially with vague complaints I always think “it will be”. Of those complaints that can be linked to all kinds of diagnoses. Especially now that the weather is getting warmer and our lipedema bodies are having a harder time, we all know them. The body feels a bit heavier, the fatigue, not feeling well and the feeling of being bloated. I don’t even think about it anymore and life always goes on.
I also realize very well that shrugging may not be the right way to deal with my body and health. But having lipedema and other chronic conditions is already decisive enough and sometimes I just don’t want to think about it too much anymore. Maybe it’s just my nature to just keep going and when I got sick, that became my survival mechanism. To be honest, I’d rather cross my limits to live as normal a life as possible than stay within my limits and not be able to do half of it.
And yes, I know it’s not good to cross borders but it’s not good for me to be behind the geraniums either. Is there a balance to be found? Perhaps. But sometimes I have days where I don’t feel like finding balance and just want to live my life like everyone else. Sometimes I just don’t want to be sick and pretend I have energy for 10. Sometimes I just want to pretend that that heavy and tired body isn’t there. Sometimes I want to forget the vague complaints. Sometimes I want to put all mental worries aside and let loose.
Perhaps it sounds very irresponsible for a 44-year-old with multiple chronic conditions to think “it must be”. But I am increasingly realizing the impact of these conditions, especially on a mental level, and how they have unconsciously limited my life and sometimes still do. I have many years of life ahead of me and I want to live more freely. I want to do what I want to do and above all I want to feel good.
So yes, it will and yes, sometimes I will cross my limits but that’s what it is. I’ve suffered enough from years of not knowing I had lipedema and unfortunately still have a lot of mess to clean up mentally. But I didn’t endure all that misery to let the impact of lipedema determine my life for years to come. So lipedema and all that other chronic shit, it’s okay but you don’t control how my days are going to be anymore but I do.
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