Motherhood unfortunately also consists of guilt for a large part of the time, the well-known ones mom guilt. Why do we as mothers feel guilty so often? Wanting to be the perfect mom can be stressful and exhausting.
Children don’t need a perfect mother, they want a sweet caring mother who takes good care of herself.
To feel guilty
It’s a shame to keep feeling guilty for very normal things. In this list you will find 12 things that you as a mother no longer have to feel guilty about.
1. Missing your old life
It’s normal to fondly think back to your old life, when you could relax watching TV or reading books, and then go to the bar late at night. Missing that freedom doesn’t mean you love your kids less or are a bad mother.
2. Needing time for yourself
People need alone time. This is even more true for introverts, who need time to recharge without others around them. Parents need time for themselves, to do things that are just for themselves. This does not mean that you do not love your children enough.
3. Neglecting an area of your life
Being a mother doesn’t mean that other aspects of your life disappear. Work, friendships, household, hobbies – it’s all still there, but sometimes one of those areas gets less attention for a while. Don’t worry if you have less time for friends or if your house is a mess. It’s a phase in life as a mother. Your other aspects will get attention again, but now you’re growing as a mother and that’s fine.
4. Check your phone where the children are
Of course, if your kids are playing unsafe and unsupervised because you can’t stop scrolling through your Instagram feed in the park, then you need to get yourself and your phone addiction under control. But if your kids are playing happily while you’re supervising the area and you just want to read a message or watch a video, go ahead. Take a mental break for a minute.
5. Spending time with your partner without the kids
One of the best gifts you can give your children is a good marriage. You need time as a couple, to be together without background whining and interruptions to change a little one.
6. Having a job and being happy with it
You are a person apart from your role as a mother. If your dream is to have a career and earn your own money or if you just can’t bear to sit at home with the kids all day. Do not feel guilty.
7. Give your child screen time
Of course, there should be limits to the amount of screen time your kids have. You should definitely set some rules. But if your kids watch a show or two in the morning and the occasional movie on a rainy day instead of hanging around and complaining that they’re bored, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
8. Don’t pick up the kids right away
We can all admit we’ve done this before. You’re done with work and instead of going straight to daycare, you give yourself a few minutes (or an hour) to just do something you want. Hanging out in the Action. Sitting in the car and scrolling through social media. To take a nap. Reading a book.
9. Walking around in your yoga pants with no makeup
Ten years ago you could not have imagined that you would ever leave the house like that. Now you don’t care for a while, as long as you’re decently covered and that’s totally okay.
10. Doesn’t like to play with the kids
Not everyone likes to sit on the floor for hours with the baby and stack blocks and that’s okay. Maybe you prefer to play tag or do crafts outside. Or do you just think that children should play with their friends.
11. Occasionally serve fast food or frozen meals
Even if you don’t serve the Wheel of Five on the plates, you certainly don’t have to feel guilty about it. Everyone sometimes gets a takeaway or a frozen meal. Don’t forget to enjoy a day without cooking yourself.
12. Making mistakes
It’s okay to make mistakes. We all do things as parents. There is no manual. Acknowledge your mistakes, fix them, but don’t let it drive you crazy. Nobody is perfect.
Japke Janneke: ‘The feeling of guilt is the hardest part of being a mother’
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